Do you ever get tired of giving out shower gifts?

I am 29, so I have attended too many wedding/baby/engagement showers/parties in the past 10 years. I have recently stopped giving gifts and I have stopped going. I have NEVER received gifts for anything. My fiance passed away a little over a year ago....not only did nobody in my family or my friends send flowers, but they didn%26#039;t even bother to come to the funeral. How awful. Now people give me the 3rd degree when I don%26#039;t go to their showers/weddings or buy them gifts. Anybody else get tired of giving out gifts and going to showers, and never getting anything in return?

Do you ever get tired of giving out shower gifts?
First I am sorry for the loss of your fiance and I am sorry you were treated this way by people. Bridal Showers and weddings have become very commercialized and a money pit meaning you put so much money into it it can engulf or close in on you.





You are NOT obligated to buy anyone a gift that is a CHOICE not a demand and no one as the right to ask you for anything how cheesy is that?





My niece got married in June and I am only on one income and no I have not gotten her a wedding gift because I cant afford it now she will get one when my husband and I are more situated not a moment sooner.





It is no body%26#039;s business whether you choose to give or not.


Don%26#039;t let anyone give you a guilt trip over it. The younger generation that is getting married feel a sense of entitlement that is not your problem. Thank you for posting we all need to be reminded that Life or people don%26#039;t owe any of us a thing.
Reply:yes , get tired also ,, and sorry about your fiance too. It seems like thats the only time when people remember your phone number or address,, Im like you quit going ,,,
Reply:I am so so sorry about your fiance. I think you have been used by many so called friends. Try to be more particular with whom you spend time from now on and if they , as you say, give you the third degree do not dignify that with any response . I find showers so so boring watching people open presents. I rarely go but do send a gift if it is a good friend. Otherwise i send only a card with best wishes ( most people) which is all one need do if one is not going.
Reply:I typically enjoy the showers and parties, and I try to give a good gift... but what I am most tired of is people EXPECTING things like that. Just because you are invited to a shower, they shouldnt automatically expect you to go... much less expect a gift from you. I agree that some people just get a little greedy during certain times because they expect gifts... %26quot;oh if I get $100 for my birthday, I%26#039;ll get 5 times that much for my wedding!%26quot;... which is completely rude.





No matter what, you dont deserve to get the %26quot;3rd degree%26quot; for not showing... and if you do go, no one should saying ANYTHING about not getting a gift.
Reply:I%26#039;m sorry about the loss of your fiance. And I%26#039;m very sorry that your friends and family didn%26#039;t send flowers or come to the funeral. I don%26#039;t think that you sound bitter. It is natural to make the kind of comparison that you are making - that you%26#039;re giving a lot of gifts and not getting anything in return.


But I can tell you that this kind of thing sort of waxes and wanes through your life. I got married at a very young age, and then had a baby six months later. So I was kind of the designated poor person in both my family and my husband%26#039;s family, so had many showers and received many wedding and baby gifts. Throughout my twenties then, I felt kind of like I should reciprocate by giving lots of showers myself, which I did.


Now I%26#039;m in my fifties and sort of in the second wave. The children of our contemporaries, and our children%26#039;s friends are now doing the wedding and baby thing. But in between my twenties and my fifties, I didn%26#039;t do a whole lot of showers.


To be objective about it, you didn%26#039;t get married, and it sounds like you haven%26#039;t had a child, so that%26#039;s why you haven%26#039;t been the recipient of the shower thing. But be realistic. It%26#039;s probably coming up for you in the near future.


I think that showers can be a lot of fun. You see a lot of people that you might not ordinarily see. I think it%26#039;s fun to see what people brought as gifts. And they usually serve wine.


If you%26#039;re not finding them to be fun right now, it%26#039;s probably because you are still grieving. Take a break from them, but keep an open mind. You might decide that you want to start going to them again.
Reply:No, I don%26#039;t. I love showers, and being able to be in on the celebrations for the brides! Giving gifts is from the heart, and one shouldn%26#039;t be doing it in expectation of a return to yourself!


Sorry about your fiance, it must have been devastating...
Reply:No I love to shop.
Reply:Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your partner. I am sorry for your loss.





I typically only get shower invitations for close friends, so it%26#039;s not a problem for me. However, in my (small, rural) hometown, people go absolutely nuts with showers. They invite every female wedding guest to bridal showers. A good friend of mine recently had over 300 people invited to her wedding shower when she had only asked for about 25 people. no kidding. I%26#039;m very glad I%26#039;m getting married 300 miles away!





People there feel the need to invite everyone who could possibly know the bride, groom, expectant mother, or any of their friends or family members. If they don%26#039;t invite all those people, many of them get upset about it. However, I think it%26#039;s obnoxious to invite everyone you know to a shower. I know that my Mom gets really tired of getting invitations to showers for people she barely knows.





If you%26#039;re not close to the person getting married/having a baby, you are not obligated to attend the shower. Send a %26#039;congratulations%26#039; card and wish %26#039;em well.
Reply:No I am not





Your situation is tragic but why are you punishing other people. Ultimatley that only hurts you.





THe gift is supposed to represent your joy that they have found happiness.





What they did to you was wrong-did you express your feelings about this to anyone. I had a friend whose wedding was canceled the week before her marriage who didnt return the gifts that she received at her bridal shower. I thought she should have but I wasnt mad that she didnt. I havent been married and dont have any children so I havent received any gifts either-when my dad comes if I do I do and if idont i dont.





This will not impact me as I will not allow others to steal my


joy!





I hope this helps you even if you dont agree with it
Reply:I%26#039;m not tired of it, but then again I didn%26#039;t go through what you%26#039;ve gone through. I%26#039;m so sorry about your loss. It%26#039;s horrible your so-called friends and family are giving you a hard time about gifts and attending weddings instead of being there for you.
Reply:My gosh how sad regarding your fiancee.





I%26#039;m also 29 and I only have one girlfriend who%26#039;s in her 30s and no longer planning to get married (she hasn%26#039;t dated in years). As one who never understood the point of showers and social female gatherings, I would not subject myself to going to such parties - in fact, at my own wedding I chose not to have a bridal shower because I find them so loathesome.





Regardless of what others may say, if you don%26#039;t feel comfortable going to such events, do not ever feel obligated.
Reply:you will find your gifts here


http://www.paintyourlife.com
Reply:sorry about your fiance, but you sound really bitter!





time to grow up!
Reply:Yes, I%26#039;ve been to 3 baby showers this year and 1 wedding. I have another baby shower next month...my aunt%26#039;s.
Reply:My sympathy for your loss...





As for showers and weddings, I try to find something that the couple don%26#039;t normally get. I usually will make up a basket of necessities for the couple and not spend more than $15-20.





Bridal: spatula, can opener, measuring cups, ladle, chip clips, wooden spoons, spices, pot holders, and kitchen towels in a laundry basket.





Baby: diaper rash cream, bottles, wipes, toys, nail clippers, washcloths, socks, and a baby blanket that I crocheted myself. Put all of that in a laundry basket with little to no holes so that baby socks don%26#039;t fall out and get lost.





As for the never getting anything in return, that%26#039;s only partially me. I got a lot of things for graduation gifts, but have yet to hold any showers (as I%26#039;m not pregnant or engaged). It sucks having to keep shelling out money for everything, but going to the showers helps me catch up with my friends and family that I don%26#039;t normally get to see.





As for my wedding, I%26#039;m not inviting those people who didn%26#039;t invite me to theirs. That%26#039;s almost all of my distant relatives that I don%26#039;t have to worry about.



nanny